Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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