I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
