So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Someone came in the potted fern
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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