stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
