lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
