The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
