i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
