i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
