I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
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drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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