Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
