i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
