dude i'm inner monologue high
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
