If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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