It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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