yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
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You need Xanax blowdarts
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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