Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
