totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
