the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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