I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We are all done wearing pants today
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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