bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
