Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is Oprah even human
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
