I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize