On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
