I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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