you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
