Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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