Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
