i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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