And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
