We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
