my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
