I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
