K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
