I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The beer is more important than you right now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
