Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Found your dick twin last night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
