It's Friday. Sex?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
