you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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