Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
