New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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