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• (207): View more from Maine

  There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  yet...

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.

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• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome

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• (646): View more from New York

  Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?

  (212): View more from New York

  hahah yep

  (646): View more from New York

  Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?

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