I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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