I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me