So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"