he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.