Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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