then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I stole a fireplace last night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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