Screwed.edu
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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