You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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