Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries

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(847): View more from Illinois

I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today

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(607): View more from New York

You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave

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(314): View more from Missouri

You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...

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(905): View more from Ontario

If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.

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(325): View more from Texas

I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.

(214): View more from Texas

What brownies? Ohmygod.

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