At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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