Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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