You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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