my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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