Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
