you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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