I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
