Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
