I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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