You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
All I want is dick and wine.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
