so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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