Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
