i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
