Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
