I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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