omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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