someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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