She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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