You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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