Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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