I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
